Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's all just part of the Machine

In completely irrelevant news, Rage Against The Machine have beaten X-Factor finalist #1,237 to the Christmas #1 spot (OK, I admit, I know his name. It's Joe McIlderry. I blame my sister and the endless deluge of Facebook updates posted by reality junkies. Happy?)

Now I must wash away some of the cynicism of my first paragraph. I wanted to see RATM win this battle that seemed to occupy more column inches than the death of Western society. Why? I don't particularly like The X-Factor. It's poorly thought out TV. It's a karaoke competition and people fucking love it. More than that, however - I'm pissed off that I didn't think up of the idea myself. It seemed so obvious! Of course, I have the money and the record label to make it work. I just hadn't told anyone about it for fear of seeming smug.

Not only that, but the entire concept of the "race for the Christmas #1" was created by Simon Cowell. A publicity machine to ensure the inevitable victory of his prize-winning pop tartlet. How on Earth was any other group ever hoping to oust the nation's newly-bought puppy dog? Well, Rage did. And all they had to do was tell Chris Moyles to fuck off.

Why Rage? Well, yon chap who set up the Facebook campaign (something else to which I am particularly loathe, but we'll get onto that some other day) saw merit in their refrain "fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."

But the punchline? Both acts are signed to Sony. Between RATM and Joe, they sold 950,000 singles. Sony wins. Big business wins. Your pointless little rebellion has come back to bite you in the arse, boys. Savour your little victory, because you've lost the war.

Upon reading this back to myself, it reads very much like something an X-Factor fangirl would have written. Maybe I'm just hiding something..

And I ate it, too

Wallowing in self-pity is liking eating too much cake. You just sit there, getting fatter, and no-one likes you because you took all the cake.

That sounded better in my head.